MenoMama

Rhetorical ques of course.....

1. Just how many tears can one cry in a one hour without stopping?

2. Is it possible to be hormonal when you are menopausal and have no ovaries?

The sad news....I split a full glass of vino tonight *sobs*

The great news......

I AM AN AUNTY AGAIN!!!! WAHOOO! BABY WAS BORN TONIGHT AT 4:37PM, WEIGHS 6 LBS, 10 OZS!!!

yay!!!

To Whom It May Concern:

Hey you…yah, you know who you are…I have noticed that I have experienced more than a few challenges over the years *thanks a lot, ya widget* and truth be told, I have learned sooooooo many of my life’s lessons that could not be possibly learned in any other way *shakes fist* but, do me a favor will ya???

Can you kinda give me a little breathing room every now and again just so I can catch my breath?

Pu-leaseeeeeeeeeeeee....

I am not asking you to waive any challenges for it surely does keep me on my toes but, every now and again, why dontcha sit down, relax and chill out??

I’d be more than happy to double up on the life’s challenges on another day.

In other news, hubby could pass as a paramedic as he does so many 'interventions' with me on the phone that help keep me sane.

That is, if I was sane.

Ta.

That is all.

My, that went over well. Like an 'effin lead balloon.

I must say that I am fed up to the back 'effing teeth and I 'effing wish the 'effing universe, Gawd or whoever else is in charge, would 'effing cut me some 'effing slack.

I can most assuredly say that denial seems to be an popular coping mechanism used prevalently in our society these days.

I have decided to place myself up for adoption. Interested people who would like a big sister, little sister, a daughter, a mother or an aunty, please sign the comment section below.

I have a passport, can travel anywhere, I am a damn fine cook, I like to drink nice wine, I am a hard worker, a devoted friend and have a great sense of humor.

I come with considerable baggage *ahem* many animals and a husband who is a beautiful human being.

Abilene, ajnspencer, Soyunperdedor, Subville & Tumbleweed need not apply as we are family already.

I do believe I had 'adopted' Corioboria, mkfunky, jenray and Pompadour last year as well.

If I forgot anyone, my apologies. Sometimes it is difficult to concentrate when you are completely fed up.

There is never a good time or an ideal moment to speak unpleasant words. Words that must be said, so just spit them out as best as you can and in the kindest of ways to minimize the damage for the one who needs to hear those words.

If I did not have the life support of my darling hubby to prop me up, I do fear I’d slip into that dark abyss once again.

But, I do have the support of hubby and of you, my friends *angels* and out of respect for you, for me and for those who can not speak of their unpleasant thoughts, I will press forward.

During dark moments, that’s when my sense of humor kicks in and I shall share this convo I had with hubby this morning. Please note I am not mocking the seriousness of the issue at hand but when the absurdity of real life rears its ugly head, you gotta laugh because if I didn’t, I’d never stop crying.

*the convo*

Meno: When I think of those early years, I tried many times to run away but I was always caught and sent home.

*Hubby is listening*

Meno: Da, you know when all this stuff was going on when I was little, D should have stopped that shite from happening. He holds responsibility in this as well.

Hubby: You know what he is like…during times of trouble, he runs away.

*cue Meno starting to laugh*

Meno: FFS Da!!!! That’s exactly what I was trying to do and those bastards wouldn’t let me.

I do believe that the status quo suggests families should keep all their dirty little secrets hidden.

Just suck it up and get on with it.

Gawd forbid if you dare to stop the cycle of dysfunction.

I told my story based on facts that can be substantiated by various third parties such as the justice system (there was a trial between me and POS when he assaulted me) or people who have nothing to gain for telling the truth as to the events and situations that occurred.

The silence in deafening.

Not too much else I can do.

I do know I could never live with myself if the abuse continued and others were assaulted. I do know the importance of standing up, holding your head high and defying those who abused you and letting them know that you will never allow them to abuse you ever again.

This cycle of abuse has stopped.

xxxx

Meno: Don't feel sorry for me Da.

Hubby: I don't Ma. I just wish you didn't have to go through all that bullshit.

Meno: It is what it is, Da.

That's a powerful statement...It is, what it is.

It simply is what it is.

Accepting the reality of the situation is not a resignation of sorts but is in fact, a clear definition of what I need to overcome and quickly too I might add, so I can get on with the business of living my life.

Meno: Da? The best revenge I can ever think of is living my life to the fullest, each and every day, squeezing every drop of pleasure I can out of the day and to never, ever surrender control of my life to anyone ever, ever again and be comforted by the fact that my life and my destiny belongs to ME.

Da: Good for you Ma.

Meno: Damn straight. Now pour me a glass of wine.

*peers at computer screen*

That can't be right.

*checks the calendar and counts the days*

Well, looky there it is right!!!

*pleased*

I do believe it is only 6 weeks till I hop across the pond.

((((screams)))))

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

BTW, I just noticed that folks left comments on the BlogMeet site in regards to the Greenwich Blog Meet and I will answer them all today.

xxxx
Don't forget that the Greenwich Bloggity Meet is only 6 weeks away as well!!

tra-la-la-laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

It's not about them now.

It's about me.

My children are adults and I no longer have to protect them.

But, I do have to protect me.

I will no longer place myself in a position that allows others to abuse me. If I do find myself in that type of situation, I simply get up and walk away without a backward glance. That's after I let them know their behavior is unacceptable and will NOT be tolerated.

With the blink of my eye, they are removed from my life for I have so much to live for, so much to explore, so much to embrace and I have no room, not even a tiny smidgeon inside myself that will accept abuse in any shape or form.

Life is just too damn short.

I see the colors of the trees, the ocean, the beauty in nature and in my surroundings now whereas for many years I did not.

And nothing, NOTHING, will ever stand in my way and deny me my right to embrace joy, happiness, sweetness, life, laughter, good friends, money, good health, family and my animals.

If you want me in your life and can respect and honor me, I will gladly open my arms wide and smother you with hugs and kisses.

Thank you....for listening...it means everything to me.

xxxxxx

Of all the 'effing challenges thrown my way, I have only asked that 'why me??' question once in my life. And it was not because I thought I deserved all that feckity shite either, I simply thought to myself, 'well now, how can I get through this with a minimum of fuss?'

The one and only time when I asked the 'why me??' question was when I was a single mum, raising two babies, working 3 part-time jobs so we could survive, going to university to better myself and during all this living, I discovered that I had a dark, chocolaty discharge from my right breast dribbling down the front of me.

Twas the late 1980's I do believe and my kids were around the ages 10 and 8.

Now, I knew that wasn't a good sign and made all the necessary medical appointments, had the necessary tests done and was told that I would get an answer within 5 days as to whether I had breast cancer or not.

I can not begin to tell you the paralyzing fear, the out-of-mind anxiety and gripping disbelief running through my body for the only thing I knew was that I had to live and be a mother to and for my children.

I simply had to.

It was at that point that I asked this question 'why me?'

As soon as I asked that question, the next question popped into my head 'well why not you?'

Now that question was the precipitating thought that catapulted me out of my own pity party and running to the library to investigate everything and anything I could read about diseases of the breast.

I knew that no matter what I was faced with, I need to ensure that I was going to raise my children in such a way that whether I was alive or dead, they would have the necessary skills to succeed in life.

And I did just that.

My children were the very air that I breathed, the one and only reason for me to succeed in my life for I wanted to show them a very different world than the one I had been exposed to for so many years.

In doing just that, by reaching for the stars and way beyond, I had to suppress many things, many moments and never, ever wanted my children to know the sort of life that was laid before me during those early years.

My love for my children was deep and forceful for if you wanted to hurt me, you simply had to hurt them as they were and are, my Achilles heel.

I have reached another cross-road in my life where, I believe, that with-holding information will do more harm than good, I can no longer protect them from life's harsh realities as they will have little ones of their own one day and they must learn to protect them.

...............

BTW, I was diagnosed with an intraductal papilloma which is a benign tumor. And during those five days of not knowing, I learned that there is such beauty in life and we need to grasp each and every moment we can to enjoy our life for you just never know what tomorrow will bring.

A lesson well learned I'd say.

xxxxxx

It wasn't until my early 40's as I began working with abused women, that I soon realized I was also an abused woman having suffered years of abuse at the hands of the piece of shit (P.O.S.) occasionally referred to as my children's father or my first husband.

It is amazing how the human condition can suppress traumatic memories and one day, you will be sitting there and out pops the memory.

I was a classic case of an abused woman:

the abuser isolates the victim from friends and family - I had few friends around me at the time as P.O.S made them so uncomfortable, they stopped coming to visit; when I was heavily pregnant with my daughter, the P.O.S. refused to allow me to go to his brother's wedding and walked out on me and refused to return until I agreed not to go to his brother's wedding.

the abuser controls the finances leaving the victim penniless and unable to leave for financial reasons - I had to beg the P.O.S. to give me money so I could buy sanitary pads and tampons.

the abuser typically has an drug or alcohol addiction - the P.O.S. would walk out the door and I often would not see him for days on end. I did not know where he was or what he was doing but when he returned the stench of stale beer on his fucking breath was disgusting. He would often leave me and the two kids stranded in the house with no money and no transportation.

the abuser will do anything and everything to control the victim - after I had separated from the P.O.S. for the last time, he would drive around in his red car looking for me and the kids. When he located (as he knew my daily habits and patterns), he would follow me down the road in full view of the public and hurl insults at me. He would continue this verbal abuse until I went into a store or my home. After I moved to Toronto, a full 90 minutes away from him, I would jump out of my skin every time a red car went by.

the abuser seeks out victims who suffer low self-esteem - way back when, I was a mouse of a girl. I had low self-esteem and thought I deserved everything he gave me. I believed that I was the cause of all our problems. It was only when I started therapy did I begin to realize that I was not the problem, he was.

*******

My sweet friends,

I tell you these things for a reason and some of you know why. I am fine and please remember I am no longer that mouse of a woman. The next few days will be rough as you can imagine but I will get through it.

Hugs and many kisses,

Kelly

‘moaning old bag’ - Esspee

‘grave dodger’ –Esspee

‘a fooking ball ache’ - Esspee

‘the tom tits’ – Old Nick

‘slick Ricky’ – Amy Winehouse

‘fuckery’ – Amy Winehouse

‘a fudgey’ – Stewie Griffin

‘it’s all good’ – tumbleweed

‘ahem’ – Old Nick, Mario as in Super Paper Mario

‘ch-ch-ch-owwwwn’ – tumbleweed and don’t ask about the meaning….

‘re-re-reallly-eh’ – a tumbleweed & Meno joint production whilst on ganja…hehehehe

‘for the love of Jesus, Joseph and Mary ‘ – Meno, uttered whilst hoping for a smooth convo with wanker type people

‘the girls’ – origin unknown

Note: those phrases ^^^ have been heard here, there and everywhere. Feel free to nick any of them and please add your own to the pile.

In other news, I am sooooooo over ‘effing hot flashes and a dry vagina is not what it is cracked up to be.

And furthermore, is there ever a good time to have the tom tits???? I am thinking that the workplace is perhaps not a great place for them to appear.

For those of you not in the know, tom tits = diarrhea

Wot?

Too much info??

I have spent a considerable amount of time and energy into pondering many a what-ifs lately.

And, I need to stop.

I am slowly realizing that the only guaranteed result I will see from this course of action is a mofo migraine and a wrinkly forehead.

Another thing I have noticed (and for quite some time now) is that the hardest skill I have had to learn is to keep my 'effing mouth shut when listening to my kid tell me something.

That means I have had to stop all advice spilling out of my mouth and wait till I am asked for my opinion on any given subject and then when I am asked, I must censor my true feelings and give a sanitized, vanilla version of how I view the matter at hand.

For such a free-spirit, the I-have-many opinions-on-many-subjects kinda gal that I am, to accomplish this next-to-impossible feat has been nothing short of a miracle.

I have learned to bombard my hubby and my bezzie mate *angels* with my true feelings and concerns. They sit, they listen, they tell me the truth and spare no opinions on the matter at hand.

I wish Life wasn't so complicated but it is.

What is it about a dude in a uniform?

*purrs*

I escorted two police officers throughout the office today and I couldn't take my eyes off their ass uniform.

*fans herself*

Give me a feller in a uniform with handcuffs and I am so there with my tummy sucked in whilst making a pathetic attempt to lift the girls off the floor.

It damn near killed me to walk holding my breath and flouncing my boobees all about. I gave up after about 10 seconds as the sheer effort almost did me in and I went to my backup plan of smiling sweetly and relying on my oh-so-lame attempt to charm a smile outta the cops.

One fell for it and the other, not-so-much.

All-in-all, twas a nice way to spend my afternoon.

This post is not for the weak of heart, the more civilized, proper blogger who has manners *guffaws* so you are forewarned. Leave now to avoid a keeping-it-real and Oh my, Meno can be disgusting at times post....hehehehehe

As I feel the stirrings of a mofo pony (see? I told you it would rude) I am sitting here thinking what helps the pony to move along in terms of food and I'm thinking almonds work in a pinch albeit 12 hours after the first consumption.

*ponders the thought*

But other than a well-placed stick of dynamite, not too much else gets things moving.

I know that some folks drink massive amounts of java to flush things out yes, tumbleweed...I am referring to you but how does an ordinary chap or gal (me being the extraordinary one with scar tissue and all) assist themselves in moving things along to get the pony outta the gate, if you will?

Memo to self:

I will NOT stay up late playing video games.

I will NOT stay up late playing video games.

I will NOT stay up late playing video games.

I will NOT stay up late playing video games.

I will NOT stay up late playing video games.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*poke*

I am so 'effing tired that I can't open both eyes at once. Ya know, for a reasonably smart Meno, I do some daft things at times.

*yawns*

Tis 6:50am here in MenoLand and *yawnssssssssss* I do believe this will be a longgggg day.

Work, eat, work again, feed the Crew, scarper to Scarborough for dinner with the girl, scarper back home, shower, flop on couch, blog, play video games and go to bed early liar, liar, pants on fire

How's your day shaping up?

At the risk of getting a virtual ass-kicking by my bloggity mates, I am daft brave enough to share this tidbit with you.

*sets the scene*

----Meno and Da are driving back from the airport on Monday and Da is listening to a radio station that plays heavy rock if you will; the music begins slowly and continues to drone on--

Meno: What kinda shit are they playing on the radio nowadays?

*cue Da's eyes bugging out and mouth hanging open*

Da: T-t-t-that's Pink Floyd !!!! They are a great rock band!!

Meno: Ke-rrrristtt, they are awful. No accounting for taste now is there?

*Da remains speechless and continues gaping at me in total disbelief*

That is all.

*scarpers*

Tumbleweed's mum is getting married in the summer. Her mum is 70 and her fiance is 75. Isn't that wonderful????

WAHOOOOOO!!!!

Having said that, I have been invited to the wedding which shall be held about 80 minutes form MenoLand. I announced to hubby that we would be going to the wedding. He instantly got his back up and was all in a flap. Not because of the wedding and not because we are going but he did get his knickers in a knot when I told him we would be going rather than asking him if he wanted to go.

*sighs*

I do hates these damn games.

I prefer a direct delivery style whereas hubby needs to be asked if he wants to go. I happen to know that the outcome will be the same.

twat

Who said that?????

My mate, Tumbleweed, posed this question today.

And I wanna know why the human race chooses to be selectively warm & fuzzy with some folks and completely rude and snarly with others right from the get-go???

My first thought is that we have conditioned ourselves to NOT positively communicate with our fellow human beings preferring to remain isolated and distant.

Bit of an in-depth, write-a-book 'splaning why we have moved from a cohesive society to an each-man/woman/child-for-themselves group of people kinda question, now innit?...

...gawd, I do ramble on now don't I?

I feel as if I was away from MenoLand for aaaaages but it was only 4 days.

I walked in the door last night and asked Da where my mail was...'Ma, there's no mail delivery during stat holidays' *blinks* 'er, guess you are right on that one' sezs I.

The Java finches are in serious nesting mode. There is one of 'em on the eggs at all times *eek* what the heck am I gonna do with 5 baby Java finches??

The rail tickets came for my trip across the pond *HUZZAH* and just putting in time, so to speak, till I scarper off to there.

I need to be planning a weekend trip down to the States to meet the new in-laws to be as it will be nice to start making plans for the daughter's wedding **WAHOOOO**

I have already thrown the gauntlet down and set forth a drinking challenge to that side of the family. I've taken England, Mexico and now will set forth to take down the U.S. of A, well that would be only one state and I'll work on the other states at a later time

As long as there is no palinka or tequila, I should be fine.

Have a great day....

Vignette #1

'I'm gonna miss you'

*wibbles*

'I'm gonna miss you too'

That said, I left my bezzie mate and started my trek home. I shed many a tear as I flew from there to here. I really miss her. I really do.

*sniffles*

Vignettes #2

Da: 'When you leaving Vancouver Ma?'
Meno: 'Wot? I am in Calgary.'
Da: 'So, when you leaving Vancouver?'
Meno: 'FFS DA!! I am in fricking Calgary!!!'
Da: 'okayyyyyyyyyy...so when you leaving there?'

I do believe my husband has trouble keeping up with me.

Vignette #3

Meno: There is so much of Canada that I have never seen. I mean, I was sitting in the Calgary airport waiting for my flight and there were names of cities and towns I have never heard of and I got thinking that I would love to take a trip across this beautiful land of my birth.

Da: Yup. Canada is a big country Ma, no doubt.

*****

Once again, I have come to the realization that friends, heart-warming chats, dedication, loyalty, acceptance, love, great food, superb wine, a commitment to building and strengthening the bonds of friendship is an amazingly beautiful experience that has enriched my life tenfold.

Thank you Cathy for simply being you. I can not imagine my life without you. You are the cheese to my macaroni *guffaws*

Miss you.

...here's a pic of me and me bezzie mate Tumbleweed

YAYNESS!!!!!!!!!!

We look good don't we????

Chatting wif my mate tumbleweed and she remarked that we are now middle-aged.

*blinks*

Are ya fricking kidding me????

I am but a child at heart.

*sobs*

Say it isn't so....

Hello!

My mates Neonjake and blumoon made their way to my mate's home tumbleweed and the first Canadian blog meet was well underway.

Neonjake is a sweetheart and if you wanna a lurvely, cosy hug then NeonJake is your gal. Blumoon is a beautiful soul that is filled with a youthful, joyful spirit.

My mate tumbleweed is new to BlogLand *YAY* and has already attended her first bloggity meet!

Woohoo!!

I am missing you lot, can only peek into BlogLand a wee bit as I really wanna spend time with my bezzie mate. Will be home on Monday evening.

Behave you lot.

Hugs and kisses

*parps*

Who said that???

Sitting here with my bezzie mate, sipping some java and someone farted *ahem* twasn't me

Landed in Calgary last night, safe and sound but the Air Canada bastids wanted to charge me for a fecking sandwich.

*shakes fist*

Here's some fab news....

daughter got engaged last night, wedding is in the Fall

WAHOOOOOOOO!!!

So, how you all doing?

Hugs and kisses

After I finish work today, I will be doing my impression of a blue-arsed fly albeit a Canadian one .

I hafta to dash home, feed the crew, walk the crew, pack my suitcase, make hubby's dinner and then boot it to the airport.

I am off to see my bezzie mate tumbleweed, her OH and her son.

WAHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!

Please remind hubby to watch out for all the critters in the zoo especially the Java finches who are up to 4 eggs now.

Behave whilst I am gone.

Oh, and don't believe any stories coming outta Calgary, Alberta over the next few days. And if you do hear some trinkets of information that may disparage my good name *ahem* remember it is the other MenoMama who is misbehaving!!

Hugs and kisses

I kinda suspected I was in for a la-de-da day when Miss Molly G jumped off the bed at 5:40am and headed down the stairs.

That only means one fricking thing - she needs a poo pony and it will usually be an explosive one.

I jumped outta bed and dashed down the stairs only to be greeted by a rather toxic smell that curdled my nose hairs and prompted my gagging reflex to kick in within 5, count 'em, 1-2-3-4-5 seconds.

Gah.

The next boner moment that gave me pause was when my right teat flopped into hubby's glass of orange juice causing orange juice and glass shards to spread everywhere around not only me but also three hungry dogs, 1 curious kitty and a perplexed hubby who didn't know what the heck was going on...

...the girls are completely out of control...

*sighs*

And how was your day?

I am constantly perplexed by the discord between my cognitive and emotional sides of me. They are in a perpetual state of distress finding no peaceful accord between one another.

Information flows into my cognitive receptors and it sits there, waiting to be processed and finally is digested and accepted as reality.

But then, the emotional state of me kicks in and refuses to accept the harsh, cold facts laid down before me and shrieks rather indignantly at the stark reality of the situation placed at my feet.

And I have come to the conclusion that I need to feel my way through not only the beautiful moments of one's life journey but to also absorb the downright disgustingly, heart-wrenching situations as that is part of life as well and try as I might, I can not avoid it.

Take it to the smallest common denominator…a second of time. Get through this second of time and then focus on the next second to pass.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Marvel at your ability to breathe even though you’re gasping for air.

Watch the seconds turn into a minute.

Breathe in, breathe out.

The minute eventually turns into 2 minutes.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Get through this next moment.

Do not anticipate beyond the now. Focus on being.

Lean on those when you can not stand alone.

Carry on when you are able.

Breathe in, breathe out.